Question: "Premarital sex – why are Christians so strongly against it?"
Answer:
Premarital sex involves any kind of sexual contact prior to entering
into a legal marriage relationship. There are a number of reasons why
Scripture and traditional Christianity oppose this. God designed sex to
be enjoyed within a committed marital relationship. To remove it from
that context is to pervert its use and severely limit its enjoyment.
Sexual contact involves a level of intimacy not experienced in any other
human relationship. When God brought Adam and Eve together in marriage,
He established the “one flesh” relationship. Genesis 2:24 tells us that a man will leave his family, join to his wife, and become “one flesh” with her.
This idea is carried through in the New Testament as well; we see it in Jesus’ words in both Matthew 19:5 and Mark 10:7. Paul elaborates on that idea in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20,
in his discussion of God’s lordship over our bodies as well as our
souls. He says that when a man has sex with a prostitute, they have
become “one body” (verse 16). It’s clear that the sexual relationship,
no matter the context, is special. There is a level of vulnerability one
experiences in a sexual relationship which should only occur within a
committed, trusting, marital union.
There are, in general, two contexts for premarital sex. There is the “we
love each other and are committed to each other, but just don’t want to
wait to be married” sexual relationship, and there’s “casual sex.” The
former is often rationalized with the idea that the couple will surely
marry, so there’s no sin in engaging in marital relations now. However,
this shows impatience and disrespect to oneself, as well as the other
person. It removes the special nature of the relationship from its
proper framework, which will erode the idea that there’s a framework at
all. If we accept this behavior, it’s not long before we’ll regard any
extra-marital sex as acceptable. To tell our prospective mate that
they’re worth waiting for strengthens the relationship and increases the
commitment level.
Casual sex is rampant in many societies. There is, in truth, no such
thing as “casual” sex, because of the depth of intimacy involved in the
sexual relationship. An analogy is instructive here. If we take a sticky
note and attach it to a piece of paper, it will adhere. If we remove
it, it will leave behind a small amount of residue; the longer it
remains, the more residue is left. If we take that note and stick it to
several places repeatedly, it will leave residue everywhere we stick it,
and it will eventually lose its ability to adhere to anything. This is
much like what happens to us when we engage in “casual” sex. Each time
we leave a sexual relationship, we leave a part of ourselves behind. The
longer the relationship has gone on, the more we leave behind, and the
more we lose of ourselves. As we go from partner to partner, we continue
to lose a tiny bit of ourselves each time, and eventually we may lose
our ability to form a lasting sexual relationship at all. The sexual
relationship is so strong and so intimate that we cannot enter into it
casually, no matter how easy it might seem.
So, is there hope? When a Christian engages in premarital sex, or when
one who has lost his/her virginity comes to Christ, the Holy Spirit will
convict of the sin, and there will be grief over it. However, it’s
important – even vital – to remember that there is no sin beyond the
reach of the blood of Jesus. If we confess, He will not only forgive,
but will cleanse us from “all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Furthermore, in addition to the forgiveness (which is in itself glorious), God restores. Joel 2:25
tells us that God is able to restore the years that the locust has
eaten, and that’s what premarital sex is—a locust that consumes our
sense of self, our self-esteem, and our perception of forgiveness.
Scripture also tells us that when we come to Christ, we are new
creations (2 Corinthians 5:17),
so one who engaged in premarital sex prior to conversion is recreated
by God into a new person; the old is gone, the new has come.
Finally, we know that, as Christians, we’re being renewed by the Holy Spirit each day we walk with Jesus. Colossians 3:10
tells us that our new self is being renewed day by day after the image
of its Creator. There is no sin without hope. The power of the gospel is
available to all who trust in Jesus for forgiveness.
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